Upcoming Landmarks in Artificial Intelligence | The New Yorker

New GPT chatbot learns slight tonal difference between “Hey” and “Heyyyy.”

Scientists develop first A.I. police dog that does not require oiling.

Concentration of untruths emanating from ChatGPT bot earns it the nickname “the new George Santos.”

Futurist Michio Kaku tells “All Things Considered” that the iPhone is now officially steampunk.

San Francisco’s OpenAI lab implants first human with his own autobiographical “Previously on this series . . .” trailer.

Google engineers design virtual tumbleweeds to skitter macabrely across the company’s home screen.

Stanford Vision and Learning Lab announces new DALL-E variant that is able to generate image and aroma.

Novelists and poets galvanized by chatbots’ having provided new reason to embrace alcoholism.

Proliferation of A.I.-derived art causes painters and sculptors to form union, Artists in the Meatspace.

The Guardian decries humans’ new passive, non-questioning-executive status as “Ivanka, without the cheekbones.”

Computer overlords honor World Wide Web pioneer Tim Berners-Lee by coining adverb that denotes foresight, “timbernersly.”

First car made from corn syrup goes into beta testing.

Garry Kasparov’s chess matches with I.B.M.’s Deep Blue form the backbone of riveting new teledrama from “The Crown” creator Peter Morgan.

“RuPaul’s Drag Race” winner alludes to out-of-control nature of the Singularity by renaming self the Spectacularity.

“I do batch normalization” replaces “I create content” as most popular way for millennials to describe themselves at parties.

First autonomous dental floss goes into beta testing.

Concerns about invasion of privacy lead ninety per cent of populace to move to Wi-Fi-less bunkers situated deep within the crust of the earth.

Subterranean crust-dwellers pay top dollar to have professional empathizers visit their bunkers bearing consolation, homemade Mallomars.

Purely virtual Third World War draws comparisons to marital sex by being silent, abstract, and three minutes long.

Third World War results in worldwide destruction and faint buzzing sound.

Survivor Taylor Swift performs new song cycle “All My Exes Are Dead Now.”

Citizens of new agrarian society dream of day when they’ll be able to buy a new plow via smoke signal.

Elon Musk tells a populace inured to square wagon wheels that his new five-sided wheel “reduces one bump.”

Designer of new nation’s flag struggles with Latin translation of motto “But is it scalable?”

First donkey goes into beta testing.

Survivors soothe tribal disputes by vowing to rebuild Dollywood. ♦